I don't know about you, but I am extremely offended by Upright Brewing's bottle label for Four Play, the highly anticipated sour cherry farmhouse ale coming out on their 2nd Anniversary this Sunday at the brewery from 1-6pm. Thanks to Beervana's commenters for pointing out that the label is clearly sexist and the product of an immature hyper-masculine boy's fantasy. With a name and label like that and my repressed sexuality as an artist, I feel dirty drinking it. Foreplay should be performed only after holy matrimony, of course, and absolutely never ever depicted or talked about. Violence, bloodshed, alcohol, and drugs, these things don't concern me, but when you suggest that women can be sexy and seductive, that is just in bad taste. A label like this destroys the sanctity of my ale. What's next, two men holding hands?!
So what do you do when you want to drink this sexy beer without feeling pressured to be held to society's questionable standards? We have came up with the answer!
This is why I have created a new censored version of the Four Play label and I am offering these limited edition, hand-labeled bottles depicting a woman being cleansed of her sinful ways for $50, each signed by the artist.
Offended by a beer label? Can't stop staring at the side boob of the woman on the Cycles Gladiator Cabernet Sauvignon? We can help with that, too, for only $50!
Never be confronted with the realities that women have breasts and nipples and can be sexually attractive ever again! It's either this or castration, you decide!
Next I call for a boycott of Burnside Brewing, with their damaging and sexist portrayal of a clearly subservient nymph or pixie of questionable gender. Let's end the objectification of this fictional species once and for all. Email NewSchoolBeer@gmail.com.
P.S. If you are confused by this post, you should really read this one first.