beer geek

Part 2: 2012 Holiday Beer Geek Gift Guide

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So with Part 1 of our 2012 Holiday Beer Geek Gift Guide in the bag, here comes part 2 of 3, featuring 10 more must not need gifts for the beer lover in your life.

Vintage Beer Bottle Lamps from Zal Creations
Beer Money: $97 – $700+ Beer Geek Cred: *****
These beer bottle lamps of all varieties combine simple, artistic, functional beauty and old school industrial design with all metal and glass fixtures that gives a slight Steampunk-style feel. Though they are not cheap, Zal Creations makes some really cool lamps, from a desk light to chandeliers to outdoor decorative lighting. Put this on the top of my Christmas wish list.


 “Distillery” from Archer Air Superiority
Beer Money: $14 Beer Geek Cred: ***
It may be a man’s world, but it smells like a woman’s. Tired of smelling vanilla, potpourri, and peaches and cream wafting through the air as you’re attempting to update Untappd on your iPhone by finding another word to describe the “dank nugs” aroma in the IPA you’re enjoying while huddled over a bar stool at The Beermongers?

Check out the new Archer airsprays for men with aromas like “Distillery,” which promises that smell of “charred oak, sour mash, and enough bourbon to kill an elephant. Warm and inviting, but what isn’t at 80 proof?” These men’s perfumes won’t make sex-hungry 19 year-old girls try to rape you like Axe Body Spray does, but after a long imperial stout bender, you may wake up in an alleyway being dry humped by a wino.

Das Horn: the Definitive Drinking Horn
Beer Money: $25 + Beer Geek Cred: ****
Sadly, Das Horn is not yet a reality, but a still-active Kickstarter campaign is already fully funded. For only $75 you can get your own moniker laser-etched into a Das Horn, plus a spiffy neckstrap. Just think of all the chicks you can pick up with your big horn.

The Clicker, a Bottle Opener/Universal Remote Control
Beer Money: $24.99 Beer Geek Cred: **
The only TV remote that will make you rethink throwing it at the cat/dog/roommate/significant other that is blocking the television during the crucial big play. 

IPA: Brewing Techniques, Recipes and the Evolution of India Pale Ale

Beer Money: $24.95 Beer Geek Cred: ****
Learn all about the world’s most popular style of craft beer from one of its masters – Mitch Steele, Brewmaster at Stone Brewing Co. From the style’s earliest history and the producers who made it famous to modern day techniques and iterations, this really is the IPA bible.

Mature your own Whiskey
Beer Money: $160.33 Beer Geek Cred: ****
Much like homebrewing, barrel-aging your own spirits is hot right now. The mini barrel and white whiskey you receive in this package will let you mature/barrel-age your own spirit, then you can keep re-using it for other spirits, cocktails, and maybe finally a beer. It’s a little spendy, but you can’t put a price on becoming your own cellarmaster and pretending you’re Ron Gansberg for a little while.

Moleskine Beer Journal
Beer Money: $13.57 on Beer Geek Cred: **
Though we highly recommend the 33 Beers books on The New School, this Moleskine Beer Journal takes your notes up a notch if you need even more room for beer geeking out. The Beer journal has 240 pages with five themed sections and five tabbed sections to personalize. It includes a glossary, advice on pouring tips, glass types, and writing tasting notes, and there’s a homebrewing log and with space for your recipes, cellar, and favorite addresses. It also has blank pages, three bookmark ribbons, and 202 adhesive labels for personalizing the journal.

Growler Onboard
Beer Money: $29.95 Beer Geek Cred: ****
You can’t put a price on love, so it should be easy to shell out 30 bucks to protect your favorite children with the Growler Onboard carrier. When you’re transporting your precious 1/2 gallon containers of liquid happiness, only the best will do, so make sure to purchase one of these and buckle their seat belt. There is always room for the kids in the trunk.

Lagunitas Undercover Koozie
Beer Money: $3 Beer Geek Cred: ***
We all know that the classiest way to carry our beer is in a paper bag, but the only problem is they provide precious little protection for our liquid meals. Not anymore. With the advent of the insulated koozie paper bag from Lagunitas for only, $3 how can you not purchase one? Stay classy, my friends.

Beer Concentrate
Beer Money: $24.99 Beer Geek Cred: 0 starsPat’s Backcountry Beverages markets a powdered beer concentrate that you can later mix with water and carbonate. Water makes up about 95% of beer, but apparently it is a highly overrated ingredient because, according to Pat’s, it’s “heavy, cumbersome, and expensive to transport.” So imagine if you could remove that 95% of water, beer would then be 95% better, right? Right! Also, did you ever think how bad water is for the environment? Me neither! Pat’s urges you to “consider the benefits to the environment that you’ve helped support by not needlessly burning fossil fuels to process and transport all that extra water!”
So, next time your reaching for your favorite bottle, consider a Pat’s Beer Concentrate. As the website says, it “contains all the great flavor, alcohol, and aroma of a premium quality micro brew.” Makes sense to me!

Stay tuned for part 3 of the top 25 Holiday Beer Geek Gifts of 2012. You can also look back at last year’s still awesome gifts here:

Founder of The New School and most frequent contributor Ezra Johnson-Greenough has worked in the craft beer industry for almost 10 years, doing everything from illustrating beer labels to bartending at renowned beer bars and breweries like Belmont Station, Apex, Laurelwood and Upright Brewing. He has also had a hand in creating events like the Portland Fruit Beer Festival, Portland Beer Week, and the Brewing up Cocktails series. He is available for freelance consultation in marketing, events, graphic design and branding. Contact: [email protected]


  1. Jesse Radonski

    December 3, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    I aim to never drink so much that I have even a remote chance at waking up in an alley being dry humped by a wino, but I still want to smell that deodorizer.

  2. Anonymous

    December 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    To: New School
    I think you could really, really have found a better word than “rape” when describing the Archer Airsprays.

    • Samurai Artist

      December 12, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      I wasnt referring to Archer Airsprays when I used that term I was referring to Axe Bodyspray’s commercials in a mocking manner. If you saw those commercials and reversed the sexes they would be incredibly offensive and pulled immediately.

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