2014 Beer Geek Holiday Gift Guide – Part 1


Kirin Frozen Slushy Beer

Today is “Cyber Monday,” the socially awkward internet savvy tech geeks version of “Black Friday” and the perfect time to kick off The New School’s Beer Geek Holiday Gift Guide. We have been working all year to put together the ultimate list of beer-related gadgets, arts, foods, all the way from the latest in growler technology to hop beer balm and items that could be a cheap stocking stuffer to pricier investments. Without further ado here are 10 items you may want to purchase for the beer geek in your life.

Kirin Frozen Beer Maker

Do you ever think back fondly to enjoying sweet slushies at the park or swimming pool as a child? Perhaps you still hit up the 7-Eleven Slurpee machine on the way home? Grow up. Real adults drink alcohol in their slushies. We all know the feeling…you’re sitting back enjoying a sweet frozen treat and wondering why it does not taste of hops and barley, amiright? Not only is that problem now solved by the pioneers at Kirin, but you now have an easy way to bring alcohol with you to work and your child’s sporting events without raising a red flag.


Homegrown Beer Garden

Straight out of an episode of Portlandia comes this grow-your-own-beer garden kit. The ultimate in local sustainability, for if you truly wish to brew with locally-sourced ingredients than the Beer Garden Terrarium Kit is a MUST HAVE. Just think about all those fools using corporate hops, barley, and wheat while you can be growing your own. Now you just need to dig a well in your backyard and cultivate yeast from your beard to complete the circle.

This complete kit contains everything you need to start several harvests of beer-making plants. Complete Kit Includes: Wheat (Triticum spp.) 700mg, Barley (Hordeum vulgare) 500mg, Hops (Humulus lupulus) 240mg, Sprouting and Growing Terrarium, 3 Blank Plant Stakes, Bag Natural Gravel, Bag Planting Mixture. Set of Instructions Ages 4 and up.


(12×12) Craft Beers of Oregon – 2015 Calendar

Finally there is a calendar worth hanging that isn’t just pictures of kittens or half naked chicks. The brand new Craft Beers of Oregon Wall Calendar features some of the best beer labels from Oregon breweries, including two of my own designs for Upright Brewing, of course. Available in regular and 12″ sizes. I recommend the larger, more bold version here for an affordable price.

Beerd Balm

Lesher’s Beerd Balm

Lesher’s hop-infused beard balms will make you want to grow a thick bushy lumberjack-looking face of man-hair if you don’t have one already (sorry, ladies). I do have a beard myself (as required by law of those in the industry), but it’s never grown thick enough for me to use a “beard conditioner” or even know what that is. A Citra hop-scented Beerd Balm from Lesher’s is enough to make me rethink my life decisions. Made from a hop oil essence extract handmade by Lesher’s, each flavor captures the subtle essence, from spicy Czech Saaz hops to citrusy and pungent Citra hops. Plus the ladies will love taking in the fresh aromas of hops from your beard, so it’s a win-win. Also available Beerd Oil and Hop Lip Balm.

Cap Launching Bottle Opener

There is nothing better than a handy bottle opener at the right time, except for one that can then shoot that bottle cap 5 metres at your unsuspecting victim. Launch high velocity bottle caps at the cat, into your friend’s drink, cheat at beer pong, etc. The uses are truly endless.

Beautiful Beer Foamer

Have trouble pouring that picture perfect beer you see in advertising with a lasting two finger frothy head followed by crystal clear beer? This elegant brass beer foamer is made to look classy while making your beer look even better, and because it does so without shaking the entire beer, keeping the carbonation intact and not oxidizing your beer. True, for the common beer drinker the benefits are primarily just for appearance, but if you need that photo perfect pristine look or just want to impress some folks, this is for you.


SYNEK Draft System

I recommended the SYNEK counter top home draft system earlier this year when it debuted, and I still like it as one of the best new gadgets on the market to serve draft beer at home. Ultimately purchasing your own kegorator is the way to go, but without that investment of both cost and space, the SYNEK system makes a lot of sense for ease of use and could be the coolest countertop appliance you have in your kitchen. http://www.syneksystem.com

Das Horn Drinking Vessel

Das Horn Drinking Vessel

Fuck drinking out of frilly tulip beer glasses or that Spiegelau IPA glassware when you can drink like a Viking from a horn. OK, no animals were actually harmed in the making of this drinking vessel, it’s made of food-safe, BPA-free ABS plastic with a stainless steel rim. We actually featured Das Horn in last year’s gift guide when it was but a Kickstarter idea. Now we are happy to report the campaign was successful and the product is available for order, complete with a neck strap and display stand.


Dual Tank Double Beverage Dispenser Backpack

If you have ever dreamed about being the life of the party, then strap 6 quartz of booze onto your back and let the two hand held taps do the talking. This adjustable and padded back strapped booze dispenser features two 3.7 quart clear beverage containers so you can offer two varieties. Perfect for tailgating as well.


Bottle Cutter

If you’re the crafty type, then this little gadget is awesome for cleanly cutting glass beer bottles for all sorts of things, turning them into lamps, candle holders, planting containers, or your own custom-made glassware. The Kinkajou Bottle Cutter is capable of cutting a variety of bottle sizes from 43mm to 102mm and includes sandpaper to polish edges.

Happy shopping and stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3 of our Beer Geek Holiday Gift Guide, coming soon.

Samurai Artist
Samurai Artist

Founder of The New School and most frequent contributor Ezra Johnson-Greenough has worked in the craft beer industry for almost 10 years, doing everything from illustrating beer labels to bartending at renowned beer bars and breweries like Belmont Station, Apex, Laurelwood and Upright Brewing. He has also had a hand in creating events like the Portland Fruit Beer Festival, Portland Beer Week, and the Brewing up Cocktails series. He is available for freelance consultation in marketing, events, graphic design and branding. Contact: SamuraiArtist@NewSchoolBeer.com