In an industry re-defining stroke of brilliance, Great Notion Brewing in Portland, Oregon has announced the product launch of its award-winning Juice Box Double IPA made available in 16-ounce Tall Boy juice boxes.
The announcement is a surprise to many, despite Juice Box Double IPA being named Oregon Beer of the Year in Willamette Week’s Beer Guide alongside Great Notion’s multiple mentions in this publication’s Best of the Year in Beer 2016. This news also comes right on the heels of Great Notion’s January announcement of a 30 barrel brewery and 20,000 sq. ft. facility on the 2800 block in NW Portland. As if the accolades and aggressive expansion weren’t amazing enough, the cardboard mini-crates of haze craze are available immediately in a surprise move by the self-distributed brewery.
“This decision was about getting the juiciest IPA on the planet into the hands of millennial craft beer lovers in the receptacle they are most comfortable with,” explained Great Notion co-founder Paul Reiter. “We defied convention with hazy, cloudy and juicy New England-style IPAs in the Pacific Northwest, we’re not afraid to push the envelope forward by asking you to suck it through a straw.”
“I’m stoked for more variety in the portable libations scene,” shared some guy wearing a five-panel ball cap at Whole Foods. No one asked him what the hell he thinks about any of this, but he was more than willing to share.
Not everyone is thrilled with the new release. Some have expressed deep concerns. Take for instance, Veronica Pissenmoen of the Troutdale, Oregon chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). She shared with New School Beer that her group feels the development is irresponsible and reckless. “Imagine packing a lunch for your child in the morning and quickly reaching in the fridge for their school day beverage,” Pissenmoen proposed. “Who is to say you don’t miss the Tree Top apple juice by accident and end up sending your child to 3rd grade with an 8.2% ABV double IPA bursting with pungent American hops and aromas of peach, mango, and passion fruit.”
Exasperated, she continued, “Juice Box is brewed with over 4 pounds of hops per barrel, but the creamy smooth mouth feel and mellow bitterness makes this Double IPA dangerously drinkable!”
She’s not wrong.
Despite the opposition, the Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) passed the plans for the Tall Boy juice boxes of Juice Box quickly. While other breweries were canning or bottling their offerings this week, Great Notion was working feverishly to box its beer. Juice Box Double IPA is now available at retailers like Whole Foods, Market of Choice, various craft beer bottle shops, Fred Meyer, and office vending machines throughout the Portland metroplex.
Great Notion has also confirmed that a second 16-ounce Tall Boy juice box offering will be made available this autumn. Fans of cloudy concoctions can look forward to the boxing of Ripe IPA. As described on Great Notion’s website, Ripe IPA features “…a rotating blend of hops and a legendary NE yeast strain. Ripe brings a bit of Vermont to Portland. This Juicy IPA is loaded with tropical fruit notes, like Mango & Papaya.
This article is satirical. New School Beer and this writer in no way mean to disparage or dilute the message and mission of MADD. They’re a great organization with an outstanding purpose. Don’t drink and drive. We also do not intend to imply that minors consuming alcohol is anything to make light of. Happy April Fools Day.